PDV: It's Serious

Some of you are aware of my aversion to PDA, or, Public Displays of Affection.  I think it’s a little rude.  I get the whole, “we’re so in love, we just want to be together and it’s so romantic” thing.  But I also get the thing where you’re on the subway and there are two people going at it who, should you see them separately, you might think “Yikes!”  or even, “Buzz!  You’re girlfriend!  Wolf!”  And when you see them together, it’s on a whole other plane.  Also, as BF will tell you, I have often said that people who hug or kiss or are too wrapped up in each other on subway platforms are easy targets for muggers, or stabbers, or the random rager who needs to push someone onto the rail.  I vow that I will never be that person (the PDA victim, not the pusher—I’ve come too close too many times to make that vow).

But today I would like to discuss a different public display: PDV  That is, Public Displays of Vanity.  Let me start off by saying that I’m not exactly averse to them—other people can engage as much as they want.  But I never will, and I will laugh at you when you do.  And you know how much my opinion counts for in this world.

First let me define the term PDV, though I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about.  The woman putting her make up on in the subway car.  The guy doubling back to fix his hair in the store window.  The gaggle of girls in the bar taking photos of themselves from above.  Or worse, in the sketchy bathroom mirror, because they were washing their hands and were just like, “Daaamn, I’m looking fine tonight and the contrast between my hotness and the sliminess of this bathroom just makes me look even more like a slumming goddess.”  Those are PDVs.  PDVs are also prevalent on Facebook.  Actually, the more I think about it, the more I theorize that Facebook was created solely for teenagers and twenty-somethings to finally have a public forum to discuss their mutual hotness and post 4,000 photos to “prove” it.  Captions like “sexay ladiessss” are a clue that you are witnessing a PDV.

So now that we’ve defined the transgression, let’s look at why it should be avoided.  The first, and really the only important, reason I can think of is: Sometimes you are wrong.  Sometimes your mother lies to you.  It’s a harsh reality, but sometimes, you’re not pretty.  And sometimes you are pretty, but you’re just having a bad day.

Ok,  you may think, big deal.  So non-sexy people think they are all that and a bag of Jelly Bellies.  Is there any harm in that?  Answer: no, there is not.  That’s why I said other people can engage, but I never will.  Because what if, you stopped to check yourself out in a car window and thought you looked like this:

But in reality, you looked like this:

While you’d never know the embarrassment, it would nevertheless be a little embarrassing to think so highly of yourself.

So what’s the moral here?  Well, there isn’t one.  This is my blog, people, not the New York Times.  Sometimes I just like to write about things that don’t matter.  But here’s what I take from this: PDV is an epidemic that can be spread through contact with those already infected with PDV, or by spending too much time in rooms with mirrors.  Remember the story of Narcissus.  Remember also: the most beautiful woman in the world isn’t as sexy if she knows it and expects others to as well.

Have confidence, my peeps.  We are all beautiful and yadda yadda.  But sometimes, it’s ok to let your beauty be understated, not shouted from rooftops and put on display and photographed for progeny and perspective employers.  Don’t hide your light under a bushel, no!  But no need shine it in people’s faces either.