Spotted: Something Horrible.

Yesterday I was walking down Park Ave, minding my own business, running a little late for work because I had to stop at Duane Reade for some Darrell Lea Australian licorice.  Yes, I had to.  Because it is wonderful and reminds me of those times in Australia when I went to Bi Lo and got a bag of licorice and a baguette and had the most wonderful dinner ever.  Who said I can't cook?  Plus, the bag I happened pick from Duane Reade must have been fresh off the line, because it was the softest most delicious Darrell Lea licorice I have ever had, and Darrell Lea is already the softest and most delicious licorice ever, so it was DOUBLE GOOD.  You all need to go get some.  Stat.  Hell, I need to go get some more.  I'm all in a frenzy about this licorice now.

Deep breath.  Ok, I feel like that paragraph kind of sums up my personality.  I should examine this at another time.  But not right now, because I have to get back to my story.

So, I was walking down Park Ave, minding my own business, a little late for work, itching to rip open my bag of licorice, and generally not imposing in a negative way on anyone else's existence. 

When suddenly.  SUDDENLY.  I passed a store window and saw this.  Well, not this exactly, because I didn't take a picture of the storefront, so I just had to find a picture of the product on its own.  But anyway, I saw this product (and that's the most accurate adjective I can think to use for it) chilling next to other products of a much less offensive and conspicuous nature.  So they, of course, served to direct your eye to THIS:

Ok, everyone ready?  Take a deep breath....and all together now: "WHAT THE EFFF?"*

Yes, this is a sequined UGG boot.  But not just that, this is a PURPLE SEQUINED UGG BOOT.  Aren't the original UGGs bad enough?  Aren't entirely sequined items of clothing bad enough (except for dresses, Ann)?  Must we really put them together?

I think not.  In the world as it is today--crazy, dangerous, at times ugly--do we really need to add one more hideous thing?  Can't we dedicate the next few years to creating beautiful things, to keep our minds off the fact that the world is friggin nuts?  And most importantly, can we dedicate the next few years to creating things that do not make me want to poke my eyes out like that guy at the church did recently?

I am not Australian, nor will I ever be, but these boots almost...almost...make me ashamed to have spent four months there.

Harsh?  Perhaps.  But you know what else is harsh?  The effect these boots had on my licorice-induced mellow yesterday  (just realized: one Australian product totally pushed me off my other-Australian-product-induced cloud.  That's like, way deep).  You know what else is harsh?  The glare I bet comes off these babies in the mid-afternoon sunshine.  I swear, the first time I see an actual person wearing these, I'm going to push them off the sidewalk.  Hopefully into a big pile of mud.  Muh-wah-ha-ha-ha-ha! (That's my phoenetic spelling of an evil laugh)

*Editorial note:  I considered just writing "WTF??" but realized, nobody says "dubba-you tee eff!" the letters.  They only write it.  Don't lie, when you see this "wtf"  you say in your mind "wha-the-ffff?"

Am I right?